The journey & the battles continue

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Even when you feel like giving up… U just have to push through and keep on going cause no one else is going to pick u up when you fall

At the moment I am at the stage where I am close to giving up.. I am tired of being told of how strong I am, how over the years I have become hard and harsh.. the truth is while I may portray that on the outside its not whats going on on the inside.

Why do I show im strong and can handle anything.. I dunno but im going to blame genetics.. it was the way I was raised and was shown hoe you need to be..

What no one sees is the tears that want and need to fall when the rest of the house is asleep, but don’t… no one knows that my heart is so smashed into pieces its barely holding together.

So much has been happening and there is not one outlet in which I can express what I am feeling…

No one to turn to, and if even if I try it feels like i’m burdening other people with my issues.

No one is really interested to really know how your doing

Those who say it, don’t mean it.. cause otherwise you would not feel so alone all the time.

How is it you can be surrounded by people yet no one really cares enough to see through the fake smiles, why cant someone be able to look into my eyes and just know its all a cover up.

I wish there was a way someone could just look into your heart and understand without having to speak…

The words don’t come out.. even the tears… they rarely fall anymore – its almost like I am so used to be hurt and pushed to my limits that I have become numb..

I am tired… tired of being the one who needs to be there for everyone else, who needs to pull everything together… being the one that needs to hold it all together.

I am being pulled in a million different directions and all I want is to find my own direction

Maybe its time to walk away….

Maybe its time I find out who I really am and who I am meant to be

Or is this who I am meant to be..

a shoulder for everyone else to lean on…

the door mat?

 

 

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I want..

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There is so much I want to write about, my problem though is finding the time and the privacy to let out all my thoughts, feelings & emotions that have built up over the past few months since my last post..

I know that once I find this I will be free, I will be able to let go of what has been building up

… but this is not today..